In 2 Nephi 26:23-28 we get a series of great questions about our relationship with the Lord to which all are answered with a ‘Nay’ from Nephi.

• Doth he cry unto any, saying: Depart from me?
• Hath he commanded any that they should depart out of the synagogues, or out of the houses of worship?
• Hath he commanded any that they should not partake of his salvation?
• Hath the Lord commanded any that they should not partake of his goodness?

After responding ‘Nay’ to all of these questions, Nephi explains the affirmative of these questions;

[God] loveth the world in that He has given salvation free to all men because all men are privileged and none are forbidden if they will but change (repent) in their relationship with Him.

During our family scripture study my wife then asked about the seemingly contradictory verse in Mathew 25:12 where the Lord says to the five virgins requesting that the door be opened in the parable of the ten virgins, ‘Verily I say unto you, I know you not.’ We then discussed how we could get this verse to align with those verses in 2 Nephi.

The ten virgins and choice

The parable has a vivid impact on the reader. I think this may be one of the most impactful parables after the parable of the Good Samaritan and the Prodigal Son. The parable starts;

Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom. And five of them were wise, and five were foolish. They that were foolish took their lamps, and took no oil with them: But the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps. While the bridegroom tarried, they all slumbered and slept. And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom cometh; go ye out to meet him. Then all those virgins arose, and trimmed their lamps. And the foolish said unto the wise, Give us of your oil; for our lamps are gone out. But the wise answered, saying, Not so; lest there be not enough for us and you: but go ye rather to them that sell, and buy for yourselves. And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came; and they that were ready went in with him to the marriage: and the door was shut.

Then we get to the final two complicated verses that can cause some consternation. The other five virgins come to the door and say, ‘Lord, Lord, open to us.’ Upon their request, the Lord responds, ‘Verily I say unto you, I know you not.’ Many commentaries attempt to explain why the Lord would be so mean to the other five virgins.

Commentary on the ten virgins

Spencer W. Kimball explained one perspective on the difference between the wise and the foolish virgins, and why they could not share the oil;

This was not selfishness or unkindness. The kind of oil that is needed to illuminate the way and light up the darkness is not shareable. How can one share obedience to the principle of tithing; a mind at peace from righteous living; an accumulation of knowledge? How can one share faith or testimony? How can one share attitudes or chastity? … Each must obtain that kind of oil for himself … In the parable, oil can be purchased at the market. In our lives, the oil of preparedness is accumulated drop by drop in righteous living. (Faith Precedes the Miracle, p. 253-257)

The Pulpit Commentary on verse 9 says:

The wise cannot of themselves supply the lack. They have no superabundant store of grace to communicate to others; at best, even they are unprofitable servants; the righteous shall scarcely be saved; so they direct their companions to the only source where effectual grace may be obtained. They that sell are the ministers and stewards of Christ’s mysteries, who dispense the means of grace. These are said to be bought, as the treasure hid in the field, or the pearl of great price is bought (Matthew 13:44-46). Divine grace can always be procured by those who will pay the price thereof; and the price is faith and prayer and earnestness, - nothing more, nothing less (Isaiah 55:1; Revelation 3:18)… Every one must bear his own burden. The grace must be their own; what is required of those who would meet the bridegroom without shame and fear is personal preparation, personal faith and holiness.¹

I find it difficult to see this parable as solely about obedience (our works) or only about grace (God’s gift). I think the parable is implicitly explaining relationships through verse 11. In verse 12, Jesus gets explicit and tells us that the Lord doesn’t let them in because he does not know them. He has had no relationship with them to know why they should be at the wedding. The oil is the presence of God in our lives and our presence in His life. The oil is the relationship that happens deep inside our hearts and minds. We can fool ourselves and others with grand outward statements of care and relations, but it is the internal fuel that allows us to know one another. David A. Bednar highlights a similar point.

The implications of this parable for each of us are expanded by another inspired revision. Importantly, the phrase “I know you not,” as reported in the King James Version of the Bible, was clarified in the Joseph Smith Translation to “Ye know me not.” 5

The phrases “Ye never knew me” and “Ye know me not” should be a cause of deep spiritual introspection for each of us. Do we only know about the Savior, or are we increasingly coming to know Him? How do we come to know the Lord? (David A. Bednar, If Ye Had Known Me)

Obedience, Grace, and Relationship

Those of you that are paying attention must be saying that neither of the first two quotes was solely pushing one side or the other. I would agree with your statement. However, I think many a listener to comments like the first two above don’t hear relationship. I think they may realize that there are two parties - the Lord and the virgins. But, they see the entire parable as a problem to be solved. I think many think something like, ‘There are five steps that one must do to solve the problem between the two parties in the contract.’ However, in the process of thinking of it as a two-party contract, we sacrifice the concept of a loving relationship in the parable. We sacrifice the oil when that is the point of the message.

I recently reviewed some notes from my reading of The whimsical Christian: 18 essays by Dorothy Sayers, which was published in 1987. She has a few enlightening quotes around love, problems, relationship, and choice. Maybe the five virgins were doing their work out of duty (the vessel), and in the doing of work, they never came to know the Lord (the oil).

The time when you deliberately say, “I must sacrifice this, that, or the other” is when you do not supremely desire the end in view. At such times you are doing your duty, and that is desirable, but it is not love. But as soon as your duty becomes your love the self-sacrifice is taken for granted, and, whatever the world calls it, you call it so no longer. (Dorothy Sayers, The Whimsical Christian Pg. 32)

I enjoyed the following quote’s ability to clarify this idea that the parable must be sharing more than simple solutions. I worry that when we read the parable of the ten virgins that we pridefully put ourselves in the ‘full oil’ camp or the ’little oil’ camp and in either placement, we delude ourselves. The camps are ‘some oil’ and ’no oil’. The simple invitation is to have ‘some oil’ of relationship with the Lord. As with all relationships, it is creatively unique and built on the relational agency of two beings. The parable is not about tribes. It is about an individual’s relationship with God.

What is obvious here is the firmly implanted notion that all human situations are problems like detective problems, capable of a single, necessary, and categorical solution, which must be wholly right, while all others are wholly wrong. But this they cannot be since human situations are subject to the law of human nature, whose evil is at all times rooted in its good, and whose good can only redeem, but not abolish, its evil. … We do not, that is, merely examine the data to disentangle something that was in them already: we use them to construct something that was not there before: neither circumcision nor uncircumcision, but a new creature. … If, therefore, we are to deal with our problems in a creative way, we must deal with them along the artist’s lines: not expecting to solve them by a detective trick, but to make something of them, even when they are, strictly speaking, insoluble. (Dorothy Sayers, The Whimsical Christian Pg. 130-131)²

My final quote from Dorothy highlights another critical message from the parable. That the Lord cannot force a relationship even when He wants one with all of us. Love exists because of agency. The two principles are intractable.

The possibility of evil exists from the moment that a creature is made that can love and do good because it chooses and not because it is unable to do anything else. The actuality of evil exists from the moment that that choice is exercised in the wrong direction. (Dorothy Sayers, The Whimsical Christian Pg. 262)

We, like the five wise virgins, can choose a relationship of love with our God. He has promised in 2 Nephi 26:23-28 that salvation is free to all men because all men are privileged and none are forbidden if we will but progress (repent) in our relationship with Him. The choice is entirely ours.

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